Thy Will
- Shock
- Anger
- Sadness
- Denial
- Rejection
- Fear
- Anxiety
- Pain
A little over a year ago, this is what life was for me at that moment…..
Some churches or small groups encourage you to start a new year out by praying for a specific word from God that will influence your life in the upcoming year. Well…a few years back, I did just that. My word that I felt strongly I heard was “Strength”
Music…lyrics…journaling have always been not only an outlet for me, but a way to reach me as well. Along with my ‘word’, I had a song that I felt was meant for me also. I didn’t understand it fully, it didn’t perfectly describe my situation at that moment and I was left confused with it, always in the back of my mind. A few years back divorce presented itself. I had every reason and right to leave, to walk away but I chose to stay silent to my family about the abuse and infidelity and made the decision to persevere and place it in Gods hands. I’ve looked back at this decision so many times. I’ve played the blame game, blaming myself for not knowing better and blaming others for not speaking up. I’ve regretted my decision more times than I can count, and I’ve remained confused until just a few months ago. The lyrics finally made sense, the prayers to let go and let God were being answered and the plan revealed.
Thy Will Hillary Scott
I’m so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don’t wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I’ve got is hurt and these four words
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you’re good
But this don’t feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It’s hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you’re God
And I am not
One of the bible studies I was currently involved with when I was asked for a divorce and discarded, was the book of James. I was learning and studying all about trials and how to consider them opportunities for joy. As you can see from journal entry…..I did not consider the situation I was in a joy of any kind. Yet day after day, month after month, God has shown me his faithfulness and how his plan and his reasoning is ALWAYS better than mine!
All things work together for HIS Purpose…..not mine! My thoughts fell back to the lyrics of ‘I’m so confused’ and ‘How is my broken heart a part of your plan’ and I realized that what was happening to me was actually setting me up for Gods plan, that the troubles that were coming my way, really were an opportunity for great joy.
Once the fog lifted and I was away from my abuse, I knew my main goal, objective and what was on my heart was to raise awareness for Domestic Abuse. I didn’t know how and at times I feel I’ve just stumbled my way through….but as I look back, each step has had a reason and purpose to where I am today. I have since joined two volunteer organizations, one of them is the Junior League and the other supports a local Womens Shelter for Domestic Violence. Tonight at one of our meetings, the opportunity to unite and support the two organizations presented itself and I can’t help but think this is exactly where God wants me, his purpose.
So tonight as I sit here and write this, marks my first anniversary as a single woman. With tears in my eyes I can honestly say that no longer do I feel; shock, anger, sadness, denial, rejection, fear, anxiety, pain….but instead I feel joy and gratefulness that what I went through shaped my purpose and is being used to help others.
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